Following on from the blog about emotional wellbeing I
decided to write todays post. So many
people (mainly other parents) ask how they should speak to their child about
differences and how best to educate them.
I am in no way an expert on this and these are just my opinions.
If you have a small child you will know that they as a LOT
of questions, sometimes not always at the most appropriate time. By the time children get to Alfies age they
will start to notice smaller differences between people as well as more obvious
ones. How we respond to questions from our children is important.
Here is how I would handle Alfie asking questions about
something like a visible difference:
- If I spotted that he had noticed something I would ask him if he wanted to ask me anything about it.
- Keep answers simple, answer as directly as I can and be honest if I don’t know the answer to a question.
- Explain that there are lots of differences between people. For example, his skin is different to mine, as is his hair colour etc. Also emphasise that there are lots of similarities also – similar interests etc.
- Don’t speak negatively, and don’t say things like ‘don’t stare’ or hurry him along for looking at someone as that just makes the person he has seen uncomfortable.
Kids will always ask questions because that’s what they do
and they are still learning about the world.
It is our reactions to those questions that shapes they way they
develop. In addition to speaking to children
about differences in other people I think it is also worth mentioning here that
we talk to Alfie often about his skin.
We talk about how it is different and we answer his questions. The reason we do this is so that if anyone
asks him about his skin (which they inevitably will) he is able to answer and
won’t feel on the spot. We compare our skin and talk about the differences that
we can see; I have eczema so we look at how that is compared to Alfies skin. We should embrace difference and not shy away from talking about it.
There are a number of good resources out there if you want
to discuss difference with your children. Good ones I have found are:
Elmer the Patchwork Elephant by David McKee
True Bluehand by Ainsley Kyder-Gould
Wonder by R J Palacio
This has also been made into a film, coming
out soon:
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